My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My breasts were aching with rage.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
