well I can't set my house on fire every night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
