i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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