I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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