woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
