you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
