I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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