You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
