There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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