So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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