I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
