if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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