I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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