i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
