I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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