$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
