I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
