Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
