i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
