Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
