The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
