Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
