my shit smells like andre
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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