Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
