john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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