he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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