It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
