i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
