Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
