I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
