i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
