I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
