I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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