Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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