I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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