I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
