he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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