If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm both gender and math confused
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
