we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The air was thick with penises
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
