I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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