like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
