dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
