I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My life is pants optional.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
