Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
