he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can you bring me the toilet please
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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