That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
