Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
