Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
