just come out here and I will go home with you...
Green mimosas i think yes
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
