I just pynch a tree in the face
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
