New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
