i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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